Why is it so much BS?

Lately I've found myself bs'ing more than I should! I have great dreams and I do nothing to make them come true. I tell myself step back let your feelings and thoughts settle down. Yet I can't seem to want to do that, I want to accomplish something yet I sit down in front of a computer and travel to a virtual world where I find myself accomplishing things there. What's different between the virtual world and the real world? The both consume time to get things done...

This virtual world I play at it's called Azeroth and Outlands, the game Wolrd of Warcraft, and I go around killing virtual things for gold, items needed as proof, killing other people in the game to get points. And all for what a weapon to aid me in killing faster, or be alive a bit longer, what's the point of this...

I want to change my feelings toward her, but I just can't find myself able to. I talked with her she understands, but do I understand myself? Has been single for 2 years made me not give up on the first sign of finding a relationship. Could I be this vulnerable, scared?

I do know one thing, I've found that I can express myself through this blog. Should I just not write about my feelings like I've had been doing? Or should I find a more prettier way of writing them? Maybe just keep all I have to think about and not let anyone know what's going on and work things out. Or write them in a place no one can find them and read them, would that help me more? am I still in the same cup of water drowning myself?